Remembering Papa and Mama on May 4, 2020

According to Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler, there are five stages of grief.

"The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief."

When my father passed away I was not in denial. The night he died I whispered something to his ear. It was his final moments. I knew it was what he wanted.

He missed my mother so much. My mother left the world quite early. He did not remarry. He was a happy widower but he waited for his sundown after a year that my mother died.

So, I whispered to his ear. "Pa, go to Mama, hurry home, and don't worry about me, I will be okay..."

I was at the last stage of grief already which is acceptance. On his funeral rites, I sat on a chair with my head down. Then, I felt that tears welled in my eyes and flowed down my cheeks. There were no sounds. It was not sobbing or weeping.

I even thought that nobody knew that I was actually crying because I was thinking to myself, my hand was covering my face, no sound and with my head down.

However, I found it surprising that every so often people were tapping my shoulder. Not just once but a few times.

I felt a bit embarrassed.

After that day, I was at peace. I knew that it was what he wanted. My father longed to be with my mother. I know that he is happy from then on. I am happy that he is happy. 

My mother died in 1994 then a year after my father wrote this poem for us, his children:

He wrote it on the 14th of July, 1995.

A Song to Our Fourteen


Around my world, I sought my señorita
Till I met the lovely Bernardita
And found my friend, my darling and my guide.
My quest was ended. She became my bride.

Our love was ever constant and ever true
And any place, to us, was a rendezvous.
God gave us more, than the dozen that we prayed for
(I wonder why fourteen, could we have made more?)

Why is it, love sonnets have fourteen lines?
Why is February fourteenth for Valentines?
Why was I fourteenth when I passed the Bar?
And why was I so lucky in love and war?

Though the rainbow in my heart is gone
And I wait for sundown, soon my day is done.
Still, forever new as the morning dew

Our love lives on --- in each one of you!