I watched the news on TV last night.
A girl, accidentally, drowned in the river.
I wished I drowned in the river instead of her.
I gave up on my life early on in my life.
This is my case.
You know who I am.
I am 43 years old.
My sexual orientation is straight.
I am single but I am never ever getting married.
I do not have any friends.
But, I do have a family.
I have a disability which is a mood disorder called Bipolar Mood Disorder.
I came out of the mental facility just as I celebrated my birthday on April 30th.
My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.
It was the bullies in my life. They are millions.
I survived. The stench of human excrement. The prison bars.
My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.
Yes evil does exist in this world and they are aplenty.
I never fought back. I was never angry. I was even happy.
My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.
My family spent over a million pesos already for my treatment.
For that I am grateful. I am grateful to God.
When I was in a restaurant I looked at mirrors which are a part of the brick wall design.
I saw my face.
I didn't realize that I look good. People always told me that.
But, you know what I wish I could see my heart.
You know why?
Because my heart had become so brazen.
Sometimes I think I'm already dead. A zombie.
You know why?
Because I don't want to feel pain anymore.
I am now jaded.
I do not have a bucket list.
Then, I looked at my reflection in the mirror one last time.
I saw Jesus's Holy Face.
I wear it as a necklace.
Then, I am consoled.
And then I pray.
Then, all is well.
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