My Final Prayer

I watched the news on TV last night.

A girl, accidentally, drowned in the river.

I wished I drowned in the river instead of her.

I gave up on my life early on in my life.

This is my case.

You know who I am.

I am 43 years old.

My sexual orientation is straight.

I am single but I am never ever getting married.

I do not have any friends.

But, I do have a family.

I have a disability which is a mood disorder called Bipolar Mood Disorder.

I came out of the mental facility just as I celebrated my birthday on April 30th.

My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.

It was the bullies in my life. They are millions.

I survived. The stench of human excrement. The prison bars.

My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.

Yes evil does exist in this world and they are aplenty.

I never fought back. I was never angry. I was even happy.

My doctor told me that it was not my fault that I was in there.

My family spent over a million pesos already for my treatment.

For that I am grateful. I am grateful to God.

When I was in a restaurant I looked at mirrors which are a part of the brick wall design.

I saw my face.

I didn't realize that I look good. People always told me that.

But, you know what I wish I could see my heart.

You know why?

Because my heart had become so brazen.

Sometimes I think I'm already dead. A zombie.

You know why?

Because I don't want to feel pain anymore.

I am now jaded.

I do not have a bucket list.

Then, I looked at my reflection in the mirror one last time.

I saw Jesus's Holy Face.

I wear it as a necklace.

Then, I am consoled.

And then I pray.

Then, all is well.

photo credit: Minchioletta Mi guardo allo specchio e non mi riconosco via photopin (license)

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