I begged; then bowed, "Thy will, not mine, be done!"
Resigned my will and drugged my seething soul
-Recoiling at the gall this chalice held-
That I might drink it down to its bitterest dregs
And drink, I did. But that was long ago!
Whence then comes this gall that flows, still flows
From out this chalice emptied long ago?
I prayed, at least that I may know Your will.
Should I, can I not ask for this? But this?
How could it be Your will that I should know
Not what You will for me? I fled them all
For You, why then have You abandoned me?
I was a climbing, growing, verdant vine
Who founded all; each faintest breath, each throbbing
Heartbeat, and flowing sap upon this tree
Who wove each littlest wish, each wistful hope
And all its grandest, fondest, wildest dreams
Around this tree; unchanging tree that was
My way; undying tree that was my life.
But God! You've let them tear me off my tree!
And wrench me, rend me by the roots and throw
Me out upon the rocks around the tree!
You left me, helpless prey, to vultures perched
Upon those rocks who clawed and plucked me clean
Of all unwithered leaves and sucked off all
My sap! I called on You! No answer came
But soulless sun and heartless winds that broke
Me, wrung me drier still! I'm dry as faggots
For the fire, so dry the vultures left me!
God! they call Your mercy boundless, hear me!
Boundless Love they say You are, then answer
Me! And grant but one, my last desire -
Spare me from decay among the rocks!
But spark me with Your touch that I may burn!
For now I'm dry as faggots for the fire.
That as the flames consume each waiting twig
I too may cast, an instant, but a light!
That as the heat destroys each flaming twig
I too may give, though for a moment, warmth!
That from the ashes left, some seed suck strength
To reach, entwine around my tree, and live!
And in the smoke that wafts from dying embers
Ah! my soul be lifted up at last
From out these rocky dungeons rank and dark
And rise, embrace, and rest its deathless dew
Upon my Tree; my Light, my Way, my Life!
*The Rainbow, March, 1967
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